By Fara Supre, Dasha Charapko, and Alexandra Hudson
When the time comes for a new issue of The Vertical to be distributed around school, the newspaper staff is always careful to make sure a copy is available for everyone to read. In the days after distribution, it’s always great to see people picking up the paper and reading. We also have noticed students using the paper to do other things, so to help those students who want to do more than just read it, we came up with….
27 Things to do with The Vertical
1. Impress and horrify the people around you by eating an entire wad of the paper.
2. Create a paper mache significant other who will care about you.
3. Make an 18th century gown out of the pages for your little sister’s barbie doll.
4. Write an angsty note over the articles, tear the pages out, stuff them in a bottle, and send the letter across the world.
5. Sell it on ebay for a quick five bucks (If you advertise it right).
6. Make a paper mache effigy of King George III and then burn it to protest the unfair Stamp Act.
7. Create a code made entirely of headlines and then start drama using said code.
8. Wish Florida was cold enough for a snowball fight? If you wad up the pages of The Vertical, lower the temperature of your house and use your imagination, your wish can become a reality!
9. Save it until you become a rich adult, bury your life earnings in a box somewhere in Mexico, draw a map on the Vertical, give it to your children before you die and lead your spawn on a magical adventure.
10. Make a paper fan.
11. Roll up a copy and use it as a microphone.
12. Gently tap your former significant other over the head with it.
13. Act like you are reading it while secretly listening in on said former significant others’ conversations.
14. Cut it up and use it as confetti to celebrate your best friend’s birthday when you inevitably forget about it.
15. Rap the articles and participate in some good wholesome fun at school.
16. Use The Vertical as an umbrella during the inevitable Florida showers.
17. Make a collage from the words and pictures of all issues put together or a nearly untraceable letter.
18. Use it as a dustpan to scoop up the dead roach that has been decomposing in the back of your closet for weeks.
19. Roll up individual pages into a ball and challenge your classmates to trash basketball.
20. Forget about it in your backpack for years but then discover it later in life and relive your high school years.
21. Use it to make the ultimate paper airplane.
22. Experiment to see how many times you can fold the paper.
23. Use it as firewood for your textbook bonfires.
24. Attempt to make an origami crane with it and fail miserably, leaving you with a wad of paper.
25. Use it to save the planet by just recycling it.
26. The weather in Florida can be pretty ugly at any given time. And with the lack of grass at Nease, the rain can make the ground muddy and gross. Instead of getting that all in car, you can avoid the mess by lining floors of you car with copies of The Vertical.
27. Just like with your car lining, The Vertical works great with your cat’s litter box, too!